Journals / Title: Time to Stop Obsessing

Author: MAO

About me: I am a mother of a beautiful baby girl who will be 3 in April. She is ready for a brother or sister. My husband and I have been semi-in-the-game for the second baby since Jul-Aug 2013. We have not been totally committed to timing and frequency and I wasn't charting or paying close attention until this month. It's time to get serious!

Months trying to conceive: 12 months of trying

My story: Our family is ready for a new addition and we are beyond excited and a lot impatient, well mommy is.

My emotions: Nervous because my first took 2 months and this one is taking a lot longer. I can't understand why other than I may be overly stressed and putting too much pressure on my body.

8th February , 12:53 pm

This month has been exciting. I started charting (a few failed/non-devoted attempts in previous months) this month and I am learning a ton about my body and the TTC process. I am overwhelmed with what there is to know about it all and I can not believe we have to work so hard this time around! With our first little one, we said, "eh, let's try to have a baby" and after the first two months of just having fun, we were elated with news that we were expecting.

My husband is an only child and for the longest only wanted one. He is finally on board with the idea and supportive of my intense passion for a second baby. He hates how frustrated I am with the constant negative results. We have been having fun trying, so I guess that is a plus!

This week is particularly hard, waiting and waiting and waiting. I am a chronic PT taker and we have definitely paid our dues to EPT! After 4 BFNs, I am wondering if next month is another month of trying. Today AF is due and she has never failed to make a grand entrance, either on time or early. So, I am waiting impatiently to see if she wants to make the grand unveil or if she will be so kind and hibernate until next year.

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8th February , 4:41 pm

After a ridiculous amount of pregnancy tests taken and even more energy invested, this month is a big fat no. There has to be a better way. Everyone says, oh, you need to relax and it will happen, but who in the world can relax when they want something so bad?

I have regular cycles and AF comes on time as usual. Is there a possibility I am not dropping an egg? I am sure we need to pick up our game in the love making department. We just get so wrapped up in life; I guess it is time to prioritize.

I hope everyone else has some more success than I have. I am self deprecating at the moment but will snap out of it shortly. Time to start this journey over and add in some ovulation detection.

Love, peace and baby makin'

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9th February , 1:28 pm

Well today is officially AF day, as if it is a national holiday, ha! Right. It sucks, but my husband and I are more than willing to step up our game next month. We need to make it a priority if we really want to bring another little one into our lives.

My cramping is intense this month, it seems to get worse every month. I wonder why that is. It is almost like it is being vengeful, just because.

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13th February , 4:30 pm

Alright, it is just about time to start this process over again. This time, we get serious-time to commit! Today should be my last AF day. I received my shipment of ovulation strips and should be starting them within the week.

That package reads that I should start using them on CD12. I feel that is a little unsafe, what if I have an early ovulation day? What are your thoughts? Did you start right after AF or did you wait and start on CD12? They sent me 40 strips so I have plenty. If all goes well, I won't need them next week.

Good luck to those that are having the same troubles and congrats to those who have received exciting news this cycle!

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16th February , 3:43 pm

I started using the ovulation test strips and we shall see how this all pans out. I honestly cannot understand how it possible couldn't work. At this point, I will have enough information to take to my doctor for some further interpretation. I have positive thoughts and I am not putting too much pressure on myself or my husband.
My husband is on a two day trip and comes back later today. We have both decided it is time to step up our game, so we will play this month with a lot more dedication ;)
For all of those out there who are in the same boat, good luck and I guess I will throw some baby dust your way? Lol, I am new to the terms and acronyms but I am trying :)

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18th February , 1:22 am

My bff, who is on her third pregnancy (all successful), and I were talking. She was telling me that her husband is convinced that they have been so successful because of a few reasons. Here they are:
One, he always wears boxers and lets his testicles fly in their natural state.
Two, he stops masturbating. I have read that it increases the quality of a man's sperm if they do not while they are trying to conceive.
Finally, they have sex every other day without fail. I think this is the one that I believe to help them the most.

What do you think? Do all of these things really matter or are there far more things to worry about. Why are some people able to have one (me) and then it takes more than 9 months to get pregnant with the second? Food for thought...

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21st February , 1:49 am

I am feeling rather positive these days. Although trying is frustrating, I have been able to be grateful for what I do have. I definitely still have my days, I wonder if this is the world trying to tell me to not ask for what I cannot handle or do not need.

What I have come to terms with is that I may have been doing some things wrong or at least relying on apps or services that may have been misleading. My ovulation day may not have been the day I have thought it was. I always had my reservations but thought, "what do I know?"

I have not tested positive for ovulation yet. Up until this point, I have all the same signs pointing to ovulation, but no positive OPK. This accompanied with some further research, has told me that maybe my instincts were right, I may be ovulating later than normal.

What do I conclude from all of this? My husband and I have to be committed as intended. It solidifies our intentions and makes us realize that we have not exhausted all measures. We are must maintain warrior status and prove it.

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1st March, 6:58 pm

Okay so updates: I have been learning quite a bit about this process, which is crazy considered I didn't think there was more to learn. Anyway, what I am considering is taking a break from the process if this cycle does not work. I know that this cycle I put a lot of effort in to figuring things out, charting, BBT, OPK, research, "having fun," etc. So, if it doesn't work out, it may not be meant to be right now.

What does this mean? It means that I am truly going to adopt the "if it happens, it happens" mentality. My DH is awesome and has been supportive of my obsession and I love him for it, but I also think it is taking a toll on him as well. I think I want it so bad it's so sad when it doesn't happen. I am so stubborn in believing that it is my mind keeping us from getting pregnant. It has been 9 months and nothing. Last month I thought it was truly the one. This month, I have no clue. I don't know what to think because the more symptoms I have, the more likely I get my period.

Anyway, while frustrated I still feel like it will happen one day. I am a huge believer in life only deals you what you can handle so maybe this is a sign. I guess in two weeks we will have a better understanding of that.

Until then, I must CHART!

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3rd April, 9:10 pm

This past month I scaled back on my obsession with trying to get pregnant; I could not handle the stress and sadness that came at the sight of AF. I was doing well, and then today came. I am due for AF tomorrow, or today, who knows. My cycle is between 26-28 days (most of the time 26)and yesterday I spotted (light pink/brownish, 1 time). I have not had any spotting since this occurred midday yesterday. And here goes my obsession. I sit and Google, grab at any sign that points to a "yes, I am pg!"

My husband and I have been trying for almost 1 full year. I finally went to the doctor about 10 days ago and everything is fine thus far. She referred us to the fertility clinic for further testing. I guess I need to find out how to stop obsessing!?!? I know it causes unnecessary stress that can inhibit conception but I can not get the thoughts out of my head!

I need advice, tips, ideas, anything! PAH-LEASE!

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4th April, 12:01 am


Thank you for the advice, that is a great idea. This month was definitely easier up until yesterday and today. Hopefully it will continue to get easier, planning for a small getaway for my 30th birthday and heading to see family for a wedding. These celebratory times are when we can stay busy and be happy for people, rather than moping and wallowing in self pity (it sounds soooo bad when said out loud!).

In the end, I do believe that the little soul we bring into this world will come when he/she is supposed. Now, to get my compulsion to follow along :)


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