Journals / Title: One eggs search for the prefect sperm!

Author: Rosey
17th June, 10:12 am

I think I have a throat infection. I was up a good part of last night with the pain and discomfort so phoned for an antibiotic from the Dr this morning which I can collect later. Feeling very sorry for myself, on day 38 now no sign of AF and I'm sick! Not happy today! Grrrr! Pheww, can only keep the Grr up for a second to tired and sore.

2 Comments (show)
17th June, 4:24 pm

Thanks ladies, funny WBM33 my friend was just telling me at lunch that she was over 8 weeks pregnant before she got a positive test with her second child!! It was a very sudden sore throat, came on yesterday, although I do still have my tonsils and have had problems all my life with sore throats so trying not to read into it. I have tested twice already and bfn both times, not even a snifter!! When I spoke to the surgery I specified that I was trying for pregancy and could I have a 'safe' antibiotic if possible. I have been a bit afraid that the long cycle and the 'hot nights' (nothing to do with DH!) have been signs of the change :-( but I'm so young! Wish I could have an instant answer, just have to wait I guess. I'll test again at the weekend if no AF, what else can I do? :-)

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18th June, 10:33 am

No AF, did poas this morning and bfn - so no change there. Started antibiotic, still feeling rough but struggling on. :-)

1 Comment (show)
26th June, 12:32 pm

Well ladies, I really don't feel that much further on from last Wednesday. I sort of relapsed at the weekend with my throat infection/thing. I had started to feel better by Friday last week but was really tired and throat was bad sore again on Sun. Ended up off work on Mon & Tues. Spoke to the Dr on Mon mentioned the long cycle and the negative preg tests but no bleed so couldn't take the chance of a stronger antibiotic (penicillan is safe but I am alergic!). So I ended up with another course of the same stuff. Hopefully it will do the trick. Still no further along with the cycle though. Looking at my chart there is a possibility something happened about day 34, I had a big temp drop and some cramps for just three days, so if my LP kicks in then maybe something will happen by Sun/Mon next week. We are all set to buy a super duper test rather that the cheapys I have if nothing has happened by then. Deep down though, I don't think this is it for me, just a glitch maybe because of the infection, but who knows! :-) I've been chilled up til now, what with feeling unwell and everything, but I'm kind of anxious to get to trying again so really wish AF would just show up and kick my body into gear!

1 Comment (show)
1st July, 2:48 pm

Been busy in work which has been great for taking the mind off! Had some serious cramps this morning but no sign of AF so not sure whats going on there. CD53! This sucks big style! Googled it a bit and certainly seems normal for ladies out there to feel like this from their 40's, really can't do anything until AF shows up and no way to tell how long she may be on vacation. Haven't tested anymore since I don't think I'm preg. :-( Bit sad but can't do much really except accept it!

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2nd July, 1:03 pm

Thanks Kitten. Nothing new today, couldn't sleep last night, even though I was tired, don't know what it was. I'm just tired of it all now. I was trying to look up and see how long I should leave it before going to the Dr, feel like I haven't been away from him these last 4 months! On the one hand if its normal I don't want to be bothered with the appointment etc. But on the other what if its not normal and there is an underlying issues that can cause this!! Oh my head is fried!! Leaving it for now anyway, I'm wondering is something is going to happen, I had the cramps night before last and there is a bit of boob tenderness today. Stinking crazy hormones!! Grrrr!!! (if you could only see my face - very expressive!!! :-(.)

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4th July, 11:37 am

Still nothing to report. Considered taking a test this morning but the constant negatives just wind me up wondering what is wrong with me! I might do one tomorrow if I can't stop myself. Still haven't invested in a more expensive test as it seems like such a waste of money if its just going to be negative as well. :-( Oddly my temps have evened out again and the night time hot flushes have deminished, wonder if the antibiotic affected them? Who knows.

Kitten, was thinking about you yesterday and the "whimmpy workouts", went to my keep fit class on Wed night and yesterday could barely move because the pain in my buttocks!! I think I may have thrown myself into it a little too enthusiastically!! Hope your doing ok, your in my prayers this weekend! :-)

1 Comment (show)
9th July, 3:38 pm

I have taken bossy boots advice! I have ordered Clearblue tests off the internet, so I'm just waiting for them to arrive. My theory was they are cheaper off internet, if they come and AF hasn't I'll test, if AF comes and they haven't, I'll have them for again. Feel very frustrated and a bit emotional, every day is the same as the day before (symptom wise I mean) and nothing seems to be happening. The dizzy head think is really off putting, I was in a lift on Sat and the rest of the day I was dizzy and had a light feeling of nausea, very disturbing. I really wise it was pregnancy but I don't think it is and thats why I'm emotional. Well if its not for me, I can't make it happen. :-(

2 Comments (show)
11th July, 11:09 am

So nothing new, no AF, test hasn't arrived yet. But I'm just thinking what would be the most inconvenient time for AF to show up - when we're camping? So we are off camping this weekend for a week and I'm trusting in 'Murphy's Law' (if its going to happen it will be at the most inconvenient time!!). It would nice if the test arrives before we leave so I can test but I have been really tearful about that too because I know in myself it is going to say "Not Pregnant" and I think the floodgates are just going to open on the emotions I have been, sort of, holding back. If nothing has happened when we get back from our trip I'll make an appointment with the Dr, that usually takes two weeks anyway, and see what he says about how to move forward. I'm mostly sad, feeling a little like if this is the start of the change that its not fair to start so young when we haven't had a chance to try for a family. But as always end up with what will be will be. I'm so blessed with DH, great life together, happyness, love, family on both sides who love us, yeh I'm blessed got to keep the perspective right. :-)

1 Comment (show)
12th July, 8:21 am

"Not pregnant". :-(

2 Comments (show)
13th July, 1:56 am

Not going camping, have discovered something wrong with urethra, swollen and too sore to baby dance. What else can happen?? Definitely time to see the Dr, will still have to wait for appointment though.

Message edited by the author 13th July, 1:59 am

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21st July, 3:03 pm

So got to see my GP (lady doctor) on Tuesday 15th. Good news and bad. Good news is no problems down below. Bad is probably due to vaginal dryness which Dr felt was born out by my high FSH level when my hormone profile was done in May. My FSH then was 23.9 and at that level she doubts I am ovulating. She feels my symptoms are the change and has scheduled me for another blood test tomorrow to just look and see what is happening with the levels. If it is over 25 she says I am in menopause. I'm a little early but not outside the range but prime candidate for HRT which would give me back a quality of life that the hot flushes day and night are interupting currently. She agreed to do a pregancy test with the blood to put my mind at rest, however, I could tell by her face she dosen't believe it is possible.

I was devistated on Tues when I came out of the appointment. So sad that it is happening to me. DH was really worried seeing me so upset and he really dosen't want to accept what the Dr is saying.

So we went away for a two night hotel break just to get away from it all and that was nice.

Now back to work and ready to start researching HRT. I now have this fear of still trying because if I am at the stage of my ovaries giving up (the onset of menopause) surely that means I have no really good eggs left and if we keep trying it could happen but probably with a poorer egg with higher risks? I have so much on my mind, so many fears. I have the blood test tomorrow and another appointment to see the Dr booked for Aug 12th I think, that was just to give me time to get my head round the results and know what I want to discuss with her. I know HRT has risks with it too so thats another worry. I have stopped temping as I just can't bear it any more. I feel really sad and yet happy we got to try last year, at least that was something.

2 Comments (show)
22nd July, 2:34 pm

So had blood test today. Results end of next week. Waiting again!!!!

1 Comment (show)
31st July, 5:00 pm

Got the results. Pregnancy is a negative and FSH is 100.1. Just processing right now.

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15th August, 5:15 pm

So cutting a long story short, I have taken a break to process things, so haven't been on here much. Been back to the Dr to discuss blood results. She is going to monitor my bloods so I don't have to go back until April 2015 for another test - if I don't have a period. If I do have a bleed I should go after 6 months of that date.

The bottom line for pregnancy is are no absolutes, if I wasn't interested in having a baby she would be telling be to take steps to prevent it, so on the flip side it is 'possible'. DH and I discussed having help as this early menopause took us by surprise but we have definately decided it is not for us. We will continue to not prevent and wait and see. Don't know if temping is going to help now that my period has stopped so in a bit of limbo where that is concerned. The Agnus Castus seems to have helped the hot flushes which have really diminished and the moods have really improved, much to DH's delight!! So prognosis is bad but not an absolute no. In April Dr will do more bloods and if no period by then she will check oestrogen as that would be her main concern at my age. If that is low she will discuss HRT with me.

We are really disappointed we didn't get longer to try, guess it wasn't to be. My sister-in-law had her baby last weekend which was incredibly difficlt as I saw my DH hold a new born baby for the first time struggling with the news that we have so slim a chance. But I am focusing on being an Auntie and enjoying that roll now. :-)

1 Comment (show)
26th August, 12:51 pm

I have had a little break, busy with work and have just had my neices to stay for a week, they are 7 and 10 and we really enjoyed them staying.

Noticed some EWCM yesterday and had a bit of breast tenderness and weird feelings on the left side. So we got busy dancing just in case!! Who knows what my body is doing but we are just going with the flow and it was no trouble dancing yesterday after a week of having my neices to stay with no privacy we were happy to be together!! :-) Going to temp for a couple of days at least to see if there are any indicators there but just focusing on having a good time. :-)

2 Comments (show)
29th August, 5:39 pm

No temp rise. Think it was just one of those thing my body is going to do!! Just going to go with the flow a bit and try not to get my hopes up after coming to terms with what the Dr said.

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29th August, 10:17 pm

Well completely out of left field AF started when I got home from work today! I know its not unheard of for this to happen so the important thing is going to be if I ovulate on time this cycle and maybe a couple more times in a row. Going to keep temping and see how the cycle progresses. Bit miffed that I missed an ovulation, sneaky body just snuck that one in! :-)

Message edited by the author 29th August, 10:19 pm

1 Comment (show)
1st September, 10:56 am

Well what a turn up for the books Friday was! Trying to keep it in perspective though. I know that an occasional break through can happen so just watching this month to see if maybe there will be a couple more. I have mostly come to terms with the fact that my body is running down on the old fertility front, I don't think I'm confident that this will make much of a difference although DH is being positive about the possibilities! :-) I'll start OPKs today just to monitor and see how it goes for the next few days. :-)

2 Comments (show)
16th September, 3:44 pm

Well surprise, surprise, I have started another period - just like buses, none for months then two come along almost at once!!

Don't know if its the agnus castus or it would have just happened anyway. I'm just going to keep taking the tablets and see how things go. DH is encouraged and hopeful that this might give us a small window of opportunity but I'm not so hopeful. Keen to try and see but a bit negative about it really making that much of a difference. :-)

2 Comments (show)

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