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Journals / Title: Ttc at 33, after early breast cancer

Author: wannabemom33
Introduction

About me: I'm 33 female, married for 10 months now and trying for the first time.

Months trying to conceive: I've been trying since January 2014 led by myDays iPhone app to track Os.

My story: I am a recent breast cancer patient: was diagnosed with early stage in March 2013, had a double mastectomy in April 2013 and was recommended to wait for about 6 months before trying.

My emotions: I am worrying that after going through two major surgeries in the last year and having hormonal issues (apparently I was estrogen dominant, but found it out only after I'd had BC) that I may have issues conceiving. I am also confused about my Os: March 2014 is the first month I am using OP tests, which showed positive on cycle day 21 and has been positive since (today is the 5th day is shows positive). However, I had obvious O symptoms, e.g. cervical mucus, mood changes and a pink light spotting on cycle day 15th through 18th. I am now dry, however test keeps showing positive. I read it maybe a sign of PCOS, however I have regular periods and (given my BRCA+ status), get intravaginal sonograms every six months and they've been normal. I'd appreciate advice of experienced women or those understanding the situation. Thank you

4th April, 4:54 pm

At a 23-28 day cycle variation, 26 days was the normal average for me for the last couple of years now. The last month was so atypical, and I have an OBGYN appointment schedule to have this checked. March menses were longer than ever (6 days vs. avg 4 days) and this month period was 4 days delayed, which is also quite odd. My hopes were so high I might have gotten pregnant this time due to the delay, however they menses showed up 4 days later, thus making this cycle 30 days long.

I am not sure whether it is the frustration of not getting having it this time either, or my hormones are acting up, but the last couple of days I've been extremely emotional and cried all days long. My eyes are puffy and pink and itchy because of excessive crying. Talked to a friend of mine explaining how I feel, she said that's her normal state at each period. To me, this is something new. I did feel somewhat similar each mid cycle, but during the period I only had cramps bothering me and not so much the emotions.

After everything I've been through last year (breast cancer stage 0 dx, double mastectomy, etc), now every single change in my body's functioning, freaks me out like there is no tomorrow.

I feel a bit more at peace today. The last couple of days were strange. The condition was almost chemical - I was not able to control my feelings, was utmost sad and wept like a child.


Message edited by the author 4th April, 4:57 pm

3 Comments (show)
10th April, 5:06 pm

Thank you, ladies for the warm support. I am still in denial about the "inherited" part of this bc. Although they did tell me I have BRCA2, none of my family members on either sides (including extended family) have ever had any cancers. I am planning to get a second opinion on that, and meanwhile distracting myself with TTC. .

One thing though, to admit, my husband is not fully ready for a child right now. So it is an ongoing discussion, with occasional success, but then scale back.. I'll write a separate entry on this

0 Comments (show)
18th April, 4:58 am

This month my temps and O test looked good, and we did have the intercourse on time. But(!), I will have a surgery on April 21 and my menses aren't due until 28th or so. So I would not know on surgery day if anything has worked out or not, and I am having a general anesthesia which I know is not recommended for TTCs..

Does anyone know if it is OK to have the anesthesia in such a case? I wanted to reschedule the surgery, however the next availability is not until summer. And I do really want to have the final touch of the reconstruction surgery that I was waiting for for so long...

Please advice, ladies. Thank you


Message edited by the author 18th April, 4:59 am

4 Comments (show)
23rd April, 4:56 am

Have had the last surgery for now. Thank God, this one was way easier than others. They did run a pee test prior to administering anesthesia. It came back negative and hence the surgery did take place. Oh well, not yet then. I will not try the next month as a friend of mine said its better to wait for a couple of months pass surgery for the anesthesia leave the system.. Se la vie

Edit: Ovufriend meanwhile, predicts probability of pregnancy at 54%


Message edited by the author 23rd April, 7:14 am

2 Comments (show)
23rd April, 4:05 pm

Now, I am totally confused with all this charting experience:

While my first positive OPK was on CD 15, Ovufriend has decided it was on CD12 (when my OPK was actually negative). As of last night, here I was getting 54% probability of pregnancy with estimate of being on CD10. This morning, however, after entering my BBT, the whole chart recalculated and decided to move my O day from CD12 to 19th, hence putting me at POD 3 today..


Message edited by the author 23rd April, 4:07 pm

5 Comments (show)
30th April, 5:48 pm

Last month, after diligently tracing the BBT and properly identifying the O with OPK, my hopes were so high that that was THE month. OF was predicting 35-54% probability of pregnancy, but.. I just got my AF full of cramps. I haven't had painful period for several months since I've been taking the DIM, however skipped the supplement in the last couple of weeks and it's amazing how it changes everything. I've gotten the same old painful period again.

Oh, well. Starting the new cycle with the new hopes.


Message edited by the author 30th April, 5:50 pm

0 Comments (show)
12th May, 3:25 pm

Last week I've seen my naturopath and shared concerns about fertility. While she doesn't think I should worry or look like someone who might have PCOS or serious hormonal issues affecting fertility, she did write me an order for endocrinology type of blood tests. Lots of hormones to check.

I decided I will try another month or so, have my annual OBGYN exam (due in June) and if nothing happens by then, I will go ahead and have the extensive blood work.

2 Comments (show)
23rd May, 5:11 pm

AF arrived yet again.. I do not know what's happening. Prior to marrying, my cycles were pretty constant at 26-27 days on average. Lately, especially when I started to ttc, the cycles have been fluctuating so much. A couple of months prior, they got to 30days, which never happened to me before, and I was already so hopeful I got pregnant. That month, I also had all symptoms of early pregnancy - e.g. being too emotional, increased appetite, bloating (my tummy was getting so huge), a couple of times mild nausea. This month, however, my cycle was only 22 days?.. This has never(!) happened to me before. I wonder why.

Once I am off my periods, I will go ahead and have that extensive hormonal blood work done that I have an order for from my naturopath. My annual with regular OBGYN and onco OBGYN check ups are due by end of June too. Hopefully, that information will clarify a picture.

Other than that, a day ago all of a sudden I was knocked off my feet with a severe allergy. I am allergic in general, but this was surprising as I was at home (I work from home, so stay indoors most of the time) and haven't interacted with people for a few days. My husband does not have any bug either. So that morning, my allergies got triggered from nothing and I ended up taking Claritin D at night as I could not sleep b/c of the runny nose, irritated sinuses and a bit swollen mouth. While the pill suppressed sneezing and sinuses, it literally kept me up all night. It happened to me once previously too, when I took Claritin, but I did not attribute it to the pill then, thinking it was just agitation b/c of the overall yucky feeling. After yesterday's insomnia, I googled and found out this was the most common reported side effect of Claritin. So I will never take it at night again. 

The next morning, I had to get up and go to see a geneticist. In the waiting room, I felt so awful - my nose was running like a mountain river (I used all their tissues), I had a headache, achy body and just things were so wrong. I was still sure it was an allergy. Leaving the doc's office, I had to run into a lady's room and found that my AF had arrived! As I did not expect them for about a week, this really surprised me. I did not even have anything with me (pads) and I had to catch a cab to get home. Oh my, I was feeling so uneasy - sleep deprived, with severe allergies and disappointed by AF. I had a quick nap, woke up and, by the evening, I had realized what have started as allergy had converted into a pretty bad cold.. I still do not know how this is technically possible, but I am down with a cold right now.

I just got up, my throat is sore, I sound coarse and I think I had a fever at night.

I wonder if there is a link between all what's happened? I am very surprised to the cold (which came from nowhere), as my immune system seemed to be good b/c I did not catch bugs the last several times when my husband did. We live in a small 1BR with too much interaction and proximity. I did not catch anything even when he was down with a severe stomach flu for 4 days and I was taking care of him. But here, all of a sudden? Cold? And 7 days earlier AF?

Another upsetting thing is that this cycle was the one when, according to OF, I have Od based on test AND according to the BBT. Previously, these indicators were either contradicting (showing different dates), or just never happened.

Phew, what a long vent.


Message edited by the author 23rd May, 5:21 pm

4 Comments (show)
2nd June, 4:41 pm

*Apologies for too personal physical details*

I am still trying to learn my body and understand the changes happening to it. I am not sure what is the cause of change: whether last year's double mastectomy have had any impact on my overall reproductive function (which all doctors assured me would not happen), or is it marriage and regular sex life that is modifying its behavior. I don't know, but I am really looking forward to figuring the things out.

A couple of months ago, in my mid cycle CM I've had a very light pink strand of blood. Bank then, it happened on CD 16. This month however, I was having a very mild burning sensation in my left ovary on CD 10. On CD 11, still feeling the same sensation, I wiped off and saw quite a significant amount of blood in the thick eggwhite CM. I am freaking out, of course. Is it something common? I would go crazy happy thinking it is a conception blood if it happened 1-2 weeks later, however this happened on CD11 only. Not even on the day of O, which in my case ranges anywhere from CD14 to 20.

I am tired of reasons to be petrified about. Since they've confirmed I am BRCA2, which presumably raises the risks of ovarian cancer - I've lost my peace of mind over the future. And now, at ttc, I am observing this bloody discharge in my mucus.. When I mentioned to my OBGYN about that first very thin thread, he seemed to not worry about it at all. My sister, a nurse, says it might be that I've O-ed and the follicle had ruptured causing the little bleeding.

Does anyone experience anything similar? Also, can O happen so early - CD11? Also, can O day vary each cycle? Well, my cycle is going all over ranging anywhere from 22 to 30 days now.

I'll be going for the expansive hormonal blood work on June 11th.


Message edited by the author 2nd June, 4:44 pm

3 Comments (show)
13th June, 8:46 pm

Things are going well, thank God. I got tied up with in-laws visiting, job search and regular household chores. In between jobs, I thought of going to visit my family that lives abroad and who I haven't seen for 1.5 years.. I've only seen my middle sister back in April-May 2013 who flew in to take care of me after the major surgery. It was the worst and the best time in my life: in my early 30s I was losing my breasts to cancer and was dating my future husband and had my loving sister nearby (ha! got carried away :)). So, I was thinking of going home and searched for the tickets. Since I'm searching on a short notice, the prices are so unbelievably high - $2,600 on average.

My nurse sister (mentioned above and who's been trying for over 10 years with no success), is telling me to wait before planning the trip and see if I get pregnant. If I do, she does not recommend to fly as it is a very long trip - two connecting flights about 12 hours each.. Plus, dealing with luggage and etc. So I am waiting for the 17th to see if AFs (I still don't know the spelling of the acronym, but using is as I've figured the meaning :)) show up. If they do, I'll buy the tickets next day and fly to stay parent with my parents for 1.5 months. Yay! If they don't, then I'm not going. Either way, me and my family will be psyched happy.

Just rambling here. Nothing major to report on yet :)


Message edited by the author 13th June, 8:50 pm

1 Comment (show)
18th June, 3:55 pm

CD 28, but no AF yet and I am having my cramps that are typical symptoms of them approaching. Last month, AF showed up at CD 2, but a few months before, I did not have them until CD30. Nevertheless, I've been testing and all turn out negative. Temps are not promising either. Oh well.


Message edited by the author 18th June, 3:56 pm

0 Comments (show)
26th June, 8:55 pm

AF showed up on CD29. I am not stressing out or getting extremely sad. I've let it to God. Perhaps, He has a better timing for me.


On the happiest note - we are back from a nice resort in MD where we spent 2 days celebrating our first wedding anniversary. I've had a wonderful time. Thank God!

2 Comments (show)
29th June, 9:18 pm

Ladies, I have a question: can O happen during period?.... I'm looking at my BBT chart and the sharp drop in temps makes me suspicious of the chance.. Plus, for some reason, my sex drive increase around same time. Weird.

7 Comments (show)
14th July, 10:49 pm

Another month with no luck. AF arrived on CD 26, which is my normal average. This time I've had very bad cramps and stayed in a bad through the late afternoon.

I am not being offly discouraged, since I feel like God's watching over me and knows it is not the best time, as my work contract has ended and I am in a job search for the fifth month already... My dh does not earn much, so we are barely making it on our own. Baby would not come to a comfortable conditions at this moment. So I am fine with it not happening for now. God knows it best.

Meanwhile, I ended up going for the expanded hormonal bloodwork prescribed by my naturopath. I am curious to know the results and figure what's going there.

And last and sad news, my beloved father is not feeling well. I've had ultra strong bonds with him since childhood and two years ago when I first heard bad prognosis for his health, I might have damaged my own with the grief and unprocessed emotions of pain. I haven't seen him for 1.5 years, within which I happened to get and survive breast cancer. Now, when things are getting slowly back to normal for me and I was anticipating a trip home, I may arrive to his very weak state. To be honest, I am afraid of seeing him so weak, both for him, but also worrying for my own emotional state since I now know how devastating hurt, pain and grief might be for one's health. I am praying for God's mercy for my father.

1 Comment (show)
29th July, 12:51 am

Hi girls. The results of my expansive endocrine blood work are out. While it was ordered by my naturopath, the copy of the report was also shared with my OBGYN. The latter called to read the results and said all looks normal. Thank you dear God!! He said all is in norm, except for one thing, which I don't remember how is called. But he said it is nothing to be worried about and is common among people and is not smth that affects ability to conceive. I've asked what the acronyms stands for and he explained it is an indicator of the speed at which the blood clots. He said in my case it is hypersensitive to smth, which means mine is clotting faster than average, which is often times genetic. He assured me I should not worry about it and it does not affect fertility.

So, I guess then the issue might be in my husband? It's been over 8 months I was trying to get prego. As I've mentioned it earlier here, my husband is not very supportive of the idea and I'm pretty much trying on my own. That is, we are not on any contraception and I'm hoping to get pregnant without his full approval or active participation. The story is complicated, but I decided to make this decision for both of us provided my medical history, age factor and high risk for other cancer. Don't judge me strong. I have a more than serious reason for such a decision.

The doc says to convince husband for formal trying to conceive. If it doesn't happen even after that (term of a year in a few months), to then come and see him with my husband.

I don't know how else to explain my husband to agree.. He is absolutely resisting the idea to have a child any time soon..


Message edited by the author 29th July, 12:53 am

3 Comments (show)
5th August, 4:06 pm

I am on CD23 and had a 0.2 drop in BT, which is similar to the previous months. Hence, I'm not holding my hopes high. Pretty sure, it didn't happen this month either.. I'm leaving for an extended trip (6 weeks) and will most likely be on my AF during the flight. So, August, September is out of question too, as I am only returning last week of Sept.

I've noticed one interesting phenomena about my body, a few days before my AF (luteal cycle), I am feeling very cold. Especially, in the evenings to the extent I am putting layers on, whereas its summer outside and we don't even have an AC on. I feel so chilly that I'm shaking. It lasts for 2-3 days and then a day or to break and then my AF shows up. I've been having this trend for 5-6 months now. I was not like that before in my life.

I've got my blood report, all is fine except for the MTHFR where they found me "positive for two copies of A1298C mutation", which I freaked out about, but was told not to, as it is not smth to take immediate measures about and it should not be the reason for not getting pregnant. And, my thyroid peroxidase antibodies are 9, whereas the reference range is <9. So, perhaps my shaking and temperature issues might be due to this? Do you ladies know what I should take for the thyroid? I am too tight in time and cannot see a doctor, leaving in 5 days. I think I've heard iodine helps improve thyroid function?

1 Comment (show)
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