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Journals / Title: Tired but not giving up

Author: Lisa
Introduction

About me: I'm Lisa. I'm 34, married, no children. I work as a journalist.

Months trying to conceive: Too many! 11th month is coming. I've been temping for 6 months, before I used opks. I'm afraid that specialist's help will be needed soon.

My story: Together with myhusband we've been trying to get pregnant for almost a year, ten months exactly. But it seems forever! I guess it's much harder now when I'm almost 35. Sometimes I regret that we put baby on hold for that long, as we both wanted to move forward with our professional life. And here we are, both successful, self-fullfilled and lonely.

My emotions: I'm trying to stay positive most of the time, but it's harder and harder with every BFN. Angry from time to time at myself and at my DH. Jealous every time I talk to a pregnant friend. Lonely. Confused. Excited. I'm a great mix of emotions, which only women in my shoes can understand.

28th August, 2:03 pm

Today is my 10dpo. The temps are still high, today it's even higher than yesterday. I've never been patient, hate waiting in general, but this is a nightmare! Of course every little cramp or twinge is a pregnancy symptom to me. I guess I'm not the only one who feels this way...Af is due in 4 days, I need to kill time somehow. Fortunately, I'm snowed under with work. But what to do with evenings? Cinema would be a good idea, I suppose. Though I need to check a review before I pick any movie, nothing about beautiful pregnant women and their cute children! Horror or action movie may work;)

1 Comment (show)
30th August, 12:40 pm

I'm 12 dpo today, af is due in two days. So far no pms, however my back and stomach are killing me. But maybe its a BFP sign? Don't know, haven't tested yet. I'll in two days, hope I'll manage to wait.

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3rd September, 12:19 pm

No need to test, as af is here. My ttc is never ending story! Sometimes I just wonder how it can happen get pregnant by accident. Is that even possible? Life is so unfair!

4 Comments (show)
5th September, 3:25 pm

Af is still with me:/ My DH tries to support me, we're going out tonight! It's really nice of him, he's been so suportive lately. He even hid the fact that his colleague got pregnant. I know the girl as well, she told me herself. She already has a daughter. I tried to pretend that I'm happy for her. I actually am, but feel jealous at the same time, can't help it.

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10th September, 2:31 pm

Af gone, back to temping! My weeks have been crazy recently! Loads, loads, loads of work. I hope it won't affect my cycles. I love my work, but sometimes I just have enough. I wouldn't exchange it for nothing. Except for a baby of course! But I'm happy to have it, at least there is something else I can think of at least from time to time.

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17th September, 1:27 pm

It's been a week since my last entry. I didn't even notice when it passed, crazy time! I'm currently 3dpo, but my ovulation isn't confirmed. I think of will move it as I'm still having fertile mucus. But we baby dance just in case :) Not much time for ourselves this week unfortunately. It'll be even worse, as DH will be away next week. I hope we'll have enough time to cover this cycle. It's awful way of thinking, isn't it? We're supposed to enjoy the closeness, not subordinate our relationship to getting pregnant!

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19th September, 12:03 pm

Still, ovulation not confirmed, but 2nd day of elevated temps. Not too late to baby dance?

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1st October, 2:30 pm

14 dpo, af is due today. But nothing, not even spotting! I've been having some symptoms for a few days, though don't want to be disappointed again. That's why I don't want to test, I hate seeing bfn! But maybe this is the lucky cycle? I don't want to tell my dh, it's too early still!

0 Comments (show)
1st October, 2:31 pm

14 dpo, af is due today. But nothing, not even spotting! I've been having some symptoms for a few days, though don't want to be disappointed again. That's why I don't want to test, I hate seeing bfn! But maybe this is the lucky cycle? I don't want to tell my dh, it's too early still!

2 Comments (show)
11th October, 12:49 pm

This is a "thank you" post to Wendy from here :) I was about to write yet another post, but I read a comment below my previous post and it was sooo funny that I felt so much better! Thank you Wendy, you'vemade my day! x

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