Journals / Title: TTC#4

Author: TTC#4

About me: Married 7 years, 3 children 6,4 & 2. Nursing student

Months trying to conceive: 4

My story: Decided to expand family before qualifying as a nurse, always managed to conceive within 2 months previously but doesn't seen to be happening this time round! My cycles have changed since my implant was taken out with af coming 2-4 days before due (assuming that cycles are 28 days). Feeling overwhelmed by it all, wondering if keeping a journal will help

My emotions: Overwhelmed, tired, anxious

4th March, 3:06 pm

Today I'm feeling fed up. Af can come anywhere between Thursday and next Monday, finding the wait unbearable! Took a clear blue test yesterday which was neg as I expected, but didn't stop me buying more so going to test again tomorrow. Full of cold so feeling very sorry for myself! keep getting stitch like pains on right side, but also had them last month to no avail. Looking at my chart a all the timing looks great, so if it doesn't happen this time I don't know why. I can't bear the thought of another af, I don't know how people keep going for years but I guess you just do. Wish I could throw myself into my essay but can't concentrate! At least by this time next week I will know one way or the other so I can get on with some work!!

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5th March, 7:46 am

Did another early preg test there was a barely visible line but I'm sure there was a line! Stress levels through roof! Mustn't get hopes up, assume test was negative and re test tomorrow. Temp up but still full up with cold, got deep cramping feelings like period pains, dreading possible arrival of af tomorrow, so who knows :/

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6th March, 8:16 am

Took another early test today there is a line! Still faint but darker than yesterday. Going to wait and see if af comes this weekend, Monday is CD28 so will test again. Still feel like it's going to come but fingers crossed :)

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7th March, 9:06 pm

Started to bleed today around 2pm. Lots of cramping low down. Volume has increased over the hours, not feeling so positive now :( will re-test tomorrow and see how things go....

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8th March, 8:20 am

Heavy bleeding, bad cramps all night and pregnancy test line barely visible too. If I was still pregnant I suppose the line would have been much darker by now. Temp also much lower than before. Feel completely depressed but I guess we will have to put it behind us and mark it as a chemical pregnancy. Now I'm feeling paranoid and wondering is this happening every cycle but I'm not realising? My periods are slightly shorter than the average so is there not enough blood there to allow implantation to take place? Considering seeing the doctor but they won't see anyone until 12 months of TTC?! Never had this problem before - what's changed???

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